The hardest part about writing this article was coming up with a catchy title. The next 400 words will be a free flowing beer-induced rant against the sorority rush process. I hope you are able to bear with me as I vent my frustration.

First of all, the 19 party process this year has come on one of the coolest weekends of the semester: Halloween. As if I didn’t already have enough reasons to go to Madison on Friday, this definitely seals the deal. Basically, no good looking girls will be out Thursday-Saturday. So unless you want to go crush three hairy bears and have a meat-out fest with your buds afterwards, the weekend is a wash.

Now that we have discussed how the sorority rush process has ruined my weekend, let’s briefly talk about how stupid it is. You walk in the front door of [insert sorority here] and are immediately attacked by 100+ screaming girls. But that’s not even the best part. Out of nowhere, 40 more flank you from behind and you are now surrounded by girls that act more like Lauren from The Hills than college girls. It is truly a terrifying experience and if I could compare it to one thing that you may be able to relate to, consider the opening montage of Saving Private Ryan. Perhaps there is less blood, gore, and violence at 19 party, but trust me, it is just as loud and super intense. In fact, I heard an anecdote from a friend that last year a certain sorority on the extension broke chairs and windows, a classic rush technique I’m sure.

The point is, why would you ever want to be a sorority girl knowing that you yourself will be one of the infidels yelling next year? Moving on, after the hyena-ish cries from hell, you’re put through an interesting interview setting. However, you cannot talk about boys, money, drinking, politics, or religion. Your interviewer has to be lower than you, and you can’t wear that cute LaCoste shirt that your dad just bought you. So what the hell is left to talk about? How about how stupid the process is and how you cannot wait to go home and take off your “19 Reasons to Go Greek” shirt, and take a hit of heroin…perhaps two.

I have been a strong advocate for a change in the rush system and I’ve come up with two possible solutions. One of them is quite absurd, the other a tad more reasonable. (1) Why not do what fraternities do? Have the girls over, get some party favors, and see how they interact with the opposite sex. If they do well for themselves, welcome sister! If not, hey the Villas have 12-month leases available. (2) The other more plausible suggestion is creating a more relaxed atmosphere. “Hello, welcome to [sorority name], we’re glad you’re here, we are a bunch of laidback girls, why don’t you check out the house and meet some of the sisters? This will be followed by a quick Q&A regarding sexual history, number credit cards in possession, and if the applicant has broken any laws. And that’s it. No yelling, no destroying household items, and no dodging the subjects everyone wants to talk about.

The process will never change though because most girls will put up with all of this bullshit willingly. She’ll do it and she’ll like it. Because everyone knows that if you want to be popular in college and have a hotshot boyfriend, you have to be a sorority gal.