Editor’s note: Despite recent events (take that Michigan State!), we felt this article is still very applicable to the Hawkeyes’ season. I’m not sure it smells like roses quite yet, but it’s a win nonetheless.

I walk the streets of downtown Iowa City, and everywhere I look there are sad faces. Certainly, these are sad times for the Hawkeye nation. We know that we should be pricing airfare for a bowl in some warm sunny location, but sadly it is not to be. So it leads one to wonder, what happened exactly to our once mighty football machine? When did we become the running joke of the Big Ten? While it may confuse some, the answers are all there in black and white. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to talk about the straight facts of this football season, no holds barred.

Arrests and Injuries
I understand that any football team is going to sustain injuries throughout the course of the season, but it certainly doesn’t help a team if that player’s backup is stuck waiting for bail. There is no denying that the Hawkeyes have taken a cue straight from the O.J. playbook when it comes to dealing with the law. The truth is, it doesn’t matter how many receptions you make in a given season, it’s a lot harder to make a catch when you’re wearing handcuffs. However, I am willing to give credit where credit is due. I mean come on, Credit Card fraud? At least they’re going away for a white collar crime.

Position in the Pocket
Jake Christensen has been taking a lot of unnecessary heat lately. I’m the first to admit, he is a far cry from the likes of Brad Banks, but I for one do not support the witch hunt that is currently taking place in Iowa City. It seems to me, it was not all that long ago that we were chanting Jake’s name, placing our hopes in a young gun when veteran Drew Tate proceeded to stop bringing home the bacon. For one thing, the man is working with the B squad. It’s not his fault that his primary targets are busy hiring lawyers. The truth is, Jake Christensen is a young guy, and odds are things are going to work out in his favor in the future. In the meantime, we just have to find some way to salvage our season. Christensen is a competitive player, and he knows how important it is to deliver a win. Just give him time to figure out how he’s going to do it.

Protection
This is pretty basic stuff. If we’re going to be successful offensively, then you’ve got to protect the quarterback. Once Christensen feels comfortable in the pocket, then the passing game is bound to improve, but only if our core receivers manage to stay out of jail for at least three months.

Coaching
I don’t care what any of you say, Kirk Ferentz is still my homeboy. Again, there has been a lot of negative criticism flying around concerning the development of the Hawkeye on the gridiron. Our team is absolute rubbish, but it’s unfair to blame the coaches. For one thing, the Hawkeyes’ behavior off the field has been more of a problem than anything else. These guys need to realize that suiting up in black and gold is a privilege, and with privilege comes responsibility, just like in Spiderman. Just know that when you put on that uniform, you’re representing something larger than yourself. The Hawkeye nation is bigger than any one of us, and that’s supposed to show up on the field.

I guess the bottom line is, nobody likes to be disappointed. At this point in time, I’m already searching for a spring break travel destination. As for our football team, I award you no stars, and may god have mercy on your souls.