We've taught you guys how to behave in bars and we've suggested to all you loudmouths how to shut up in the library and in class. But we failed to leave out one major part of the college experience...football etiquette. How the hell are you supposed to act in the stadium to make sure that you're wasted self doesn't end up in a bright orange jumpsuit or on the top of the university's shit list? Well, raise your glasses and take note of these pointers to guarantee your visit to the glorious Kinnick Stadium is one of pure pleasure.

HEY LADIES
Surprise, surprise... big bags aren't welcomed behind the massive gates of Kinnick. If you think you're going to make it through with a bag the size of your fat ass, you have another thing coming. So, if you're stupid enough to bring your $500 Coach purse tailgating, it's not getting past the good ol' stadium security. Word of advice...leave the bags and all the crap you stuff inside at home.


ALCOHOL
While you may consume all the beer and other fine spirits you want outside of the gates, the folks at Kinnick really frown upon trying to continue the party in the stands. If you're that much of an alchy and canâ't sit through a football game without some sort of booze in your hand (or mouth), refer to our previous issue on how to successfully sneak in alcohol. Fine print: Do this at your own risk, The Booze News is not responsible for your alcohol-induced decisions.

SPORTSMANSHIP
We hate the other teams. We despise them. And we'd really like it if the Hawkeyes could beat the shit out of our opponents. But your drunken self causing a scene up in the nose bleed section isn't making a real big difference. Clearly you think that screaming at the players and fans around you actually determines who wins the game and you're incorrect. But nevertheless, go ahead, paint your body a glimmering gold with glistening black hawkeyes classily displayed all over. But please do us all a favor and keep your rude, slurred, obnoxious comments to yourself. (Unless you have something reeeeally funny to say.) Otherwise you deserve every bit of food and garbage that is being whipped in your direction. Two words for you pal...drunk tank!

GET OFF YOUR BUTT
If you're in the student section, you better be ready to stand (or sway depending on your current state). Sitting back and leisurely taking in the game is complete crap if you're under 30 (or holding a student ticket). Don't expect the highly, highly intoxicated guy in front of you to take a seat if you politely tap him on the shoulder and tell him that you can't see. He'll most likely tell you to never touch him again and show you another way to use your finger. Bleachers are for feet...not asses.

Alright Hawkeyes, I leave you with the knowledge to tailgate like a pro and enjoy Kinnick Stadium and all that it has to offer without being hauled to the drunk tank or equipped with a new orange outfit and a nice set of silver bracelet accessories. Good luck and go Hawks!