Plot Overview
You know those movies you go to see, not because it’s going to be a thinker or a gripping tale of something moving, but rather, because it will be so mindlessly entertaining that there’s no reason not to see it? Well, that’s Rambo in a nutshell. In this installment, John Rambo has retreated to the jungle of Thailand, where he makes money fishing, catching snakes, and driving a boat down a dangerous river. There’s a crazy civil war going on in Burma (Myanmar to J. Peterman), and Rambo gets caught up in the middle when a group of missionaries that he dropped off gets kidnapped by this insane military leader. Ironically, instead of killing the group (like they did to everyone else in every town they attacked), they decide to keep them in cages in their military base. It’s kind of like Dr. Evil putting Austin Powers in a room with the sea bass instead of just killing him. Obviously you knew something was going to happen.

The Good
Considering that the movie is only 92 minutes long, I would venture to guess that 70 minutes are full of body parts flying this way and that, heads being cut off, arrows through heads, and bombs that could take out all of Manhattan being set off. Also, the dialogue is hilarious. It’s like you’re watching a cheesy soap opera, where the lines are overdramatized to the point of just being funny. But the thing is, you know Sly was cool with it, because it just adds the mindless experience you get as a viewer.


The Bad
Considering the fact that Sly had to write, direct, produce, star, make, film, cook, draw, and mime this movie, there are clearly a few bad things. First off, Rambo (well, Sly actually), looks like an idiot. Not only that, but his jeans are Bugle Boy brand, or so we think. The other actors (who are supposed to be real actors, not just ones like Sly who get by on good looks and huge muscles) are pretty bad. Julie Benz, who plays a cute chick on Dexter, seemed like she was influenced by Rambo’s cheesiness in all of her lines. But come on, you’re watching Rambo, like you didn’t know it was going to be pretty bad.

Coolest Weapon
Although the number/type of weapons used was actually impressive, Sly’s skills with a bow and arrow are mesmerizing. Seriously, he’s picking people off from 200 yards away…and not just hitting them, but driving the arrow through their eyes and out the back of their heads.

Number of People Killed
236. Seriously.

Final Word
Well, you’ve got a 62-year-old who is awkwardly jacked out of his mind and runs around tearing off body parts, ripping a guy’s throat out with his bare hands, operating a machine-gun that seems to wipe out the entire population, gutting a man until his intestines fall out, and setting off a bomb that has an explosion akin to an atomic weapon. It’s either the best movie you’ve ever seen or one of the worst, but either way, you definitely need to see it.