The time is upon us yet again. That’s right, Halloween ’07 on the one and only State St. of Madison, WI. The costumes people come up with are creative as hell, naughty as hell, and/or disgusting as hell. A 20-minute walk down State St. on Friday could leave many thinking, and enjoying, any of the following:

1. Despite their creativity, one or two…thousand other girls are nurses or schoolteachers.

2. Holy shit, I just saw Snow White make out with…Mike Tyson?

3. Why are all of these out of town mother f-er’s ruining my Halloween party?

4. I think I just saw Fred Flintstone spank a horse…and get handcuffed for “striking an officer.”

5. Just because it’s ok to walk around in nothing but tighty-whities during your alone time doesn’t mean we want to see your goods for an entire night…

6. Did you just see that? I think those police officers just beat up Sponge Bob Square Pants….how was he supposed to know that having fun was against the law?

7. I thought I was going to win best costume this year….if only Hillary Clinton wouldn’t have shown up in her lingerie.

8. Wow, who would’ve guessed Winnie the Pooh would lose his V-card….to the infamous Gemini of American Gladiators.

9. It smells wonderful out tonight…minus the vomit, shit, and tear gas odor wafting down the street.

10. I guess this is how college kids trick or treat…. “You take the Jack and I’ll take a Captain and Coke.”

I wish you the best of luck as you venture out for a night on the town this weekend. Make sure to stay safe (in and out of the bedroom), drink in moderation (at least remember where you live), and try not to get in a fight with any one of the douche bags from the “University of I don’t go to this school and am such a loser that I have to come to your Halloween party and pick fights just to have fun.” And you’re still looking for possible costume ideas I have a few items that could make for an excellent outfit. Contact me if you would like to borrow my black leather boots, assless chaps, booby tassels and whip. Nothing says Happy Halloween like showing a little crack.