Shacking is a beautiful thing: the hook-up, the companionship, the awkward ride home. Most of the night, however, is focused on two things – sleeping and cuddling.

Believe it or not, your bed etiquette can definitely make or break a sleepover experience. Like all other components of hooking up, there are dos and don’ts to sharing the bed, and frankly, if you hope to hook-up with a certain sleepover friend again, it’s important to follow the rules…

Don’t Smother Me
I love being snuggled, but for eight hours straight…I’d rather be stuck in the stocks from the olden days, they probably wouldn’t be as restrictive. When I can’t sleep because you’ve got me in an ironclad wrestling grip, I’m missing the whole sleeping-over experience.

Correct positioning is a must for a good night’s sleep; if my only choices are to play the little spoon and not be able to move even when you’re snoring directly in my ear or to lay stomach to stomach and thus subject my nose to the direct stream of your sleep breath, I’m going to be counting the seconds till I can get out of there.
In addition, boys, maybe you don’t notice, but most of you are about 110 degrees when you sleep. So, when we’re suctioned together by sweat, you sure are making me hot, in a bad way.

Don’t make me feel like a leper though. If you don’t touch me from the time that we stop fooling around until the next time that we’re wasted enough to hook-up again, then you will be deemed a “bad hook-up.” What’s the point of being in your bed for eight hours if you don’t even touch me? I’d rather sleep at home and not deal with the dose of awkwardness come dawn.

The solution: cuddle me until I fall asleep and then again in the morning before I’m really awake, but when I’m passed out, get off me!

Don’t Snore
Some say that you can’t control this. My advice? Learn how. Wear those nose-strips, get the spray, sleep on your side, I don’t know, but if we’re not in the process of hooking up, I don’t want any rumbling noises coming out of you. Also, if I can’t sleep because of your grunts, expect a harsh kick followed by my pretend snores; then we’ll see who’s having trouble sleeping…

Do Wash Your Sheets Often
Drool stains, other girls’ earrings, smelly sheets, masturbation remnants, all of them will have me searching for the nearest exit. When your sheets smell clean and feel soft (don’t forget fabric softener!), I’m going to appreciate it. I know doing laundry sucks but just suck it up and do it if you ever want to get laid again.

Do Give Me a Pillow
This is a sleepover, not a tug-of-war game, so give me equal amounts of sheets / pillows so that we’re not fighting over them the whole time. If we’re sharing the night, saliva, and the unmentionables, the least you could do for me is share your bed linen.

Do Wake Me Up Nicely
If you roll over and say, “Get up, you have to go,” I may tell people that you can’t get up so well, if you know what I mean. Be courteous and say that you have to go to class if you want me out of your bed.

If you dare not to be deemed a bad hook-up, or if you want any chance of a reoccurrence, just follow the rules. After all, there are much more exciting ones to break…