Well it’s finally happened; I’m leaving U of I. Bittersweet as it may be, before I jump ship I wanted to share some of my oh-so-wise wisdom with you guys, because, you know, I’ve been there. Here are a few things that you must know while in college…

Fridays are not school days. College is the last time in your life that it is acceptable to spend three full days doing absolutely nothing. Do whatever it takes to have Fridays off because they’re not school days – they’re the weekend. If you don’t know that already, you’re seriously missing out.

Go abroad. There are so many cheap, good programs that send college students to explore the world. Nothing is as cool as experiencing new food, a new lifestyle, new customs and new men/women. GO ABROAD! Plus if you’re lucky, your parents may even pay for it…

Always wear a condom. Even the dirty ones may come off as clean. Sex is twenty minutes, but an STI is forever.

Get to know your professors. If you are straddling the grade line and you’ve made an effort to participate in class or go to office hours, your professor will bump up your grade. Same thing goes for needing to reschedule an exam or turn in a paper late. Plus, you’re going to need references and recommendations and professors give the best ones, after all, they’re academics.

Listerine is an acceptable drunk toothpaste. When you come home drunk and don’t feel like taking care of your hygiene, just swish around some Listerine. Sure, it’s not as good as scrubbing your teeth with a brush, but it kills any unwanted germs and makes you feel better.

Eat shit. College is the only place where 3AM trips to Steak & Shake are justified whether you’re drunk or sober. Plus you walk to class so you’re probably the skinniest you’ll ever be. Bon appetite! PS: Antonio’s now delivers…

Dance, both a lot and on top of things. Sure you look like an idiot but really, how many of these people will you ever see again?

Walk to class. Not only is it a great way to prevent obesity but it’s probably the only time in your life where you’ll do it on a regular basis. Plus it’ll help save the environment and I know how important that is to all of you.

Be absolutely ridiculous. Whether you’re sober or drunk, girl or boy, single or committed, dress ridiculously, sing ridiculously, say ridiculous things, and act ridiculously. You and your friends can get away with it once in your life and it’s now. So wear those crazy clothes, sport that side ponytail, and enjoy it in these days that anything goes.

Always stay ‘till closing time. Whether it’s a night at the bar or you’re debating graduating early, stay till closing time. After all, the end is always to most fun.