In the realm of sensuality, the mouth is king: it’s the gateway to the kingdom as well as the key to many events. To understand its power is to be emancipated in the world of love, so there are some musts when it comes to the mouth.

MUSTS
Chapstick: There is nothing more unattractive than peeling, cracking, dry lips. It’s enough to make a person want to run to a tub of Vaseline, something you shouldn’t hope for regarding your sex life. A little tube that conveniently fits in any pocket can cure this blemish, so use it and use it regularly.

Good oral hygiene: If you lean in to kiss someone and their breath smells like the bottom of a garbage can, it doesn’t matter how attractive or charming they may be. Brushing your teeth regularly to get that gross film off your teeth and gargling occasionally with some mouthwash is not challenging, do it!

Kissing: If you ever hope to get to hook-up heaven, you must be a good kisser. At this age I’m not sure why some people still think that a tongue as rigid as a corpse is an okay thing to stick in someone else’s mouth, but it’s not. A variation between big make-out and little kisses is vital, a variation of places where you kiss someone is vital, and a basic knowledge of good kissing skills is vital, so find a partner and practice. For goodness sakes, you owe it to your future victims.

These are just musts, yet the mouth is way too good to be wasted solely on activities involving chapstick and good hygiene. There are mouth maybes that are more delicious than any flavor of lip balm, and must be tried, even if they are just a maybe.

MAYBE
Altoids: These little mints pack a lot of power and believe it or not, it’s good for more types of blowing than just breathing. Yep, that’s right, popping one of these tingly mints can save your breath and your sex life. If it tingles in your mouth, imagine what would happen if it were in your mouth and your mouth was on something long and hard. You following me here? That tingling sensation creates a type of cold that doesn’t cause shrinkage but does cause goose bumps. Warning: don’t pop five, they are “curiously strong,” popping one before popping something else in your mouth can really freshen up your sex life, pun intended.

Ice cubes: Hooking up after chewing on ice cubes is, ironically enough, an absolutely hot experience. As humans we are used to our body temperature, as well as our partner’s, being consistently around 98.6 degrees. So when this expectation is thrown off course, we have heightened reaction. To be kissed with a chilled tongue is similar to drinking a big glass of cold water – it’s rather refreshing. Now imagine lots of cool kisses lingering all over your hot body…
Motorboating: Hahaha…no. Absolutely not, under no circumstance is this acceptable. Period. I’m not sure why any guy thinks that having parts of your body nuzzled by mechanical-sounding lips would feel good, but it doesn’t. Sorry, that ship has sailed…