The day after being drunk sucks. Aside from the throbbing headache, you have the regret (or unknowing) of your actions the night before. Realizing you were in an undesirable situation is never a good thing, and it seems that after every time we are in one of those situations we do our best to come up with the ideal excuse to explain our actions. How do we typically explain this otherwise ludicrous behavior? Easy, "I was too drunk to make a smart decision."

We've all heard someone say it, and have probably said it ourselves at some point (probably freshman year...that's when the mistakes happen). But it's dumb to always rely on this "I was too drunk!" (IWTD) excuse because 1) it's played, and 2) there are much better options available.

In a case you were really wasted and made the mistake of hooking up with someone socially deemed undesirable, you could say that you became extremely intoxicated for a specific reason. Tell everyone you were accomplishing an ulterior motive that will help you out in the long run and make things better off for everyone. "Jeannie, she didn't mean anything to me. I only drank that much because I wanted to test the oxidation level of phosphates that are in my body when I'm getting crunk. My findings will help me understand my sweat to salt ratio next time we're having sex."

Another option would be to outright lie about what happened and make the accuser seem like they were the extremely drunk person who does not have their story straight. The conversation will then take a harmonious switch in direction. If you badger them enough they should completely drop the conversation and change topics (or just swear at you and leave the room).

Drink your face into the toilet bowl? Chunks happen. A less overdone excuse is food poisoning. You ate some funky food and it caused your stomach to have a weird reaction. Maybe it wasn't the kind of food you ate but the fact that you ate too much of it. Your friends will still call you a pussy, but it's better to be known for not being able to handle your food than your liquor.

Another approach, though somewhat of a stretch, would be to tell your friends that you're allergic to alcohol and explain to them that you were trying to build up an immunity and work towards a tolerance. Only the most presumptuous of assholes will challenge the "I have a disease" excuse.

The last thing you could try is the alcoholism plea. This is a valid excuse compared to the generic IWTD crap you've been spewing. A lawyer practices law, a drinker practices drinking... it's not your fault you have to follow societal norms. And the beauty of this excuse is that there's the potential for truth...for all you know, you might actually be an alcoholic! And results on that aren't conclusive until you're past college anyway...

Feel free to dabble in various excuse methods. If people don't believe you, try another. Spinning the truth to your friends is almost as fun as the very alcohol consumption you're lying about!