10. Teleportation
Wouldn’t that be sweet?! Bam! I’m in a bank! Bam! I’m in a locker room! Bam! I’m in a…fat person? Shit.

9. Shackology
It’s like getting a communications degree, an excuse to spend 4 years of your youth doing some vapid, easy, talentless stuff, or in this case, stuffing easy, vapid, talentless people.

8. History of Seinfeld
Pop Quiz! What did Kramer drop inside of someone while they were being operated on!?

7. Chronology
Listen dammit, his name isn’t Mr. Dre, he spent plenty of years at the University of Compton getting his doctorate, and you will address him accordingly.

6. Intoxicated Photography
Listen, I may suck at taking pictures of flowers with good lighting, but if you want 200 dodgy pictures of my roommate passed out on the sidewalk, well, we’re in business.

5. Physical Unfitness
This way you could have something to show from that freshman 15 other than a fat ass. Let those beer bellies you’ve worked on so diligently hang free!

4. Video Gaming
Ah, if only you could graduate with a masters degree in Mario Kart. You’ve probably beat more levels on any given video game than tests you’ve passed, and universities should recognize that god given talent.

3. Identification Memorization
Memorizing information on a fake ID is as much an art form as it is a skill. Do you recite the date of birth and address as fast as you can? Does that middle initial stand for “Taryn” or “Tabitha”? All these mysteries, and more, answered in this crucial freshman elective.

2. Facebooking
You know you spend way more time creeping on Facebook than you do studying. If this were a major you could take classes like “Creating Applications 101” (since there aren’t enough already), or “How to Catch Your Boyfriend Cheating by Stalking Stranger’s Pictures 206.” These would teach us much more valuable life lessons than Psychology 100 ever could.

1. Drinking
Don’t you think it’s a little unfair that we can’t get any credit for our favorite college activity? We should petition the school to create the College of Consumption, with Drinking Theory as its most prestigious major. I think it’s safe to say we’d all be getting PhDs.