10. The Touchy-Feely Kid
Guy or girl, it’s always uncomfortable to be groped while trying to have a civilized conversation. Just because we’re talking to you doesn’t mean we want to take you back to our place. So keep your filthy paws off my silky draws. Ah poodle skirts, the good ol’ days.

9. The Infamous Shacker
This girl knows the walk of shame better than R. Kelly knows the anatomy of an underage va-jay-jay. She is known at houses/apartments/dorms/benches all over campus. While most of us quiver in humiliation as we take that walk, she basks in the glory of her one night-stand; high heels and basketball shorts and all.

8. The Senior Pedophile
This predator seeks out his young prey from across the bar. He tempts her with alcoholic beverages, then makes his move. Just like the Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood…

7. The “My New Haircut” Guys
Hey buddy, did anyone ever tell you that you’re in college, not Orange County? Undershirts were made for a reason, and hair gel is meant to be used in moderation. Hate to break it to you, but you won’t be getting any poon tonight.

6. The Kid Who Never Makes It To After Hours
Beer bong after beer bong doesn’t make you a badass if you’re sleeping on the bar halfway through the night.

5. Two Beer Queer
She exclaims, “I’m like soooooo wasted” as she “stumbles” into your boyfriend. Those two mixed drinks hit her pretty hard considering her night ended 20 minutes after it began.

4. The Girl Who Won’t Buy Drinks
Everyone knows one of these girls. She comes to the bars with just enough for cover and assumes her low-cut shirt will take care of the rest. While the rest of us lose our money to alcoholism, you lose your dignity to the creepy old man in the corner of the bar.

3. “A Round On Me!” Kid
This kid’s self-esteem is so low, that his parents’ credit card is paying for his friends. Money can’t buy everything, spring for a personality, holmes.

2. The Dancing Queens
If you are dancing on the empty floor with one other girlfriend, there’s probably a reason why there’s no guy creepin’ up behind you. You may think you’re sexy with your full-bodied dry heave set to music, but if the Lord of the Dance saw you move, he’d punch you in your unfunky face.

1. That Couple
10:01 PM: “You’re cuter.” “No, you’re cuter!” “We’re both cuteee!”
10:06 PM: “You’re a bitch!” “No! You’re an asshole!” “I HATE YOU!”
10:11 PM: “Aww baby, I love you!” “No baby, I love YOU!”