Ladies - you sure make things difficult. When a guy senses some sparks, he's often left in the dark about what's running through your mind. Unrightfully so, guys are stereotypically the ones with the questionable intentions. But we're not too hard to figure out. Facebook asks us Friendship, Dating, A Relationship, Random Play, or Whatever I can get? If dudes were being honest, they would choose the last one. Yet we have to decipher how to please you without saying the wrong thing or wasting too much of your precious time.

It's truly unfortunate that the days are long behind us when it was ok to bust out the "check yes or no" boxes. Nowadays, there's a thorough process into succeeding with that special someone who has caught our eye.

It begins with selection. Our eyes have been trained to filter out what we don't like. The challenge lies in filtering through those females that do catch our eye. For example, Greek letters screams do not approach (calm down I'm jk). Big sunglasses tell us high maintenance and conceited. And the tramp stamp conveys a good time. We can now continue on our quest. Now there are always exceptions to the rule, but I'm just going with the odds here.
"Conversation is half the battle,"(Big Daddy) but we don't have a problem with manning up and going after it. After years of awkward junior high relationships and poor to moderate success in high school, we're ready for the big stage when it comes to the verbalization. If the girl hasn't turned her back within the first minute, we know it's ok to continue.

Finding out if you're single is mandatory. The second we hear "my boyfriend"�� out of your DSL (urbandictionary that if need be), see ya. But if you don't have the baggage, we're jumping aboard the next flight. Now we have to brainstorm why you're giving us the time of day. At this stage, we become a bunch of chameleons. Looking for a one-nighter, date, or something else? Hey, so are we. The adjustment should be no big deal.

If only it was this easy. Although we're willing to fulfill your needs, rarely do you make it clear what these needs are. Until that time, the outcome of our attempt is shaky. If we invite you back to our place, you seem to be the relationship type who just got creeped out. If we take things slow and gentleman-like, you're that crazy girl looking for a quickie. And when we shoot for something in between, our wallets are empty from you riding on free drinks all night. Furthermore, if we land your number, the politics about when to call come into play, as well as the possibility that you're just a name-slut shooting for 2,000 facebook buddies.

Let's say we go through this whole process and things work out. It's still not over! We have to do this ever-so complicated thing called impressing you. We are put to the meet-my-friends test, the what's-your-take-on-this test, etc. etc.
If only life was a 24/7 stop light party... Green shirts for single, ready to mingle. Yellow for not committed but not a dater. And Red for ignore me. We could even do better and expand on these colors. Neon green for the bed warmers. Light green for the I-wanna-get-to-know-yous. Black for the teases. Someday, our shirts may make life a little more efficient. Until then- cut us a break!