If you’re gonna get some tail this spring, you gotta do it right. Whether it’s baggin the dude with those knee-buckling penis-pointers (that V shape on the lower abs) or gettin some brain from that blonde with big bazungas, there are certain rules that just cannot be denied. If taken to heart, these guidelines can help you in many situations: the one night stand, the short-lived fling, and friends with benefits. Here are the best ways to keep your friends with benefits escondido.

Fresh Meat
You don’t want to go bbq up some stanky, fuzzy, festering beef at a fun little gathering, right? It’s the same for spring time hookups! No matter how hungry or desperate you are, don’t sell yourself short. This is your time; those few short years before you’re married (and technically forced to be committed) to go buck wild! Please, check the dates of break-ups, cheating, and any kind of relationship-linked trauma. While the vulnerability of your prey usually works to your advantage… there’s always that risk that they’ll just cling to you like salmonella: keeping ya on the runs and not going away until they decide, no matter what drastic measures you might take.

Silent Treatment
In order to keep the drama down, you gotta keep the talking down. The most perfect hookup is gonna be the one in which you and your object of lust lock eyes and then proceed to lock lips, tongues, fingers, and play things. The beauty in this is that you can hop from one lip service to the next within the same party and no one will know any better because no one will know your name (unless you slip up or someone recognizes you), and probably won’t remember your face. Bring in the kink and use a blindfold to assure this.

Plan B
Another option is to have a fling instead of a season-long tramp fest. Fling wise, only exchange numbers in order to arrange a hookup rendezvous. Don’t call to chat, don’t get to know each other, don’t even wish each other happy birthday unless it’s gonna involve poppin naked out of a giant cake, giving a lil somethin’ somethin’ and bouncing out the door. Friends with benefits are most likely going to aim for some kind of balance between sexy-time and kickin-it time. In this case, just remember you’re not exclusive – you’re just pieces of ass that care about each other, but you don’t care enough to be committed.

Exit Strategy
Before you get trapped into a game of playing mamas and papas, you gotta make sure you pull out at the right moment. If you’re ready to cut it off completely, be kind and sincere about ending it. When there’s closure, no one will have hard feelings. No hard feelings means you’re in the clear to play with someone else’s toys or emotions. So, to end it without jagged edges just tell your quasi-lover that they’re banging, always looking sexy, fantastic in bed (remember to always keep sentimental crap to a minimum or zilch). Cinch it up with the conviction that you feel like you’re holding them back and that, in every way, this end to your macking is to their benefit. Next step? Freely hit on that hot redhead you’ve been eyeing since lunch.

Keep it Comin!
If you’re just bored and want to rekindle the desperation in your partner, just be a douche or bitch (respectively to your gender), and if the other isn’t as confident as they front to be, they’ll be texting you within 48 hours and concocting some feisty little sexcapade to keep your attention.